I have been working and (sometimes) running a lot recently.
I find myself working out common hormone, stress and life change ailments in the duration of a run. Sport fascinates me. Elite athletes amaze me. I’m amazed and terribly humbled by many things daily. I’m taking this as a suggestion that my spirit is growing and the universe sees fit to continue to drop me to my knees enough to pray and say thank you.
Some people take offense to my belief that the universe, or more specifically the creator, humbles us. I am not bothered by that. I understand the conflict. I believe for me, as a human, it is my nature to suffer to some extent. Without this challenge I would struggle with my own sense of purpose. Believe me, I’d love it if there were not the case. But, I’m not a holy creature, God or a divine one. I’m just an aging chick with some challenges. For now this works for me. Years ago I would have felt differently I’m sure. Years ago I blogged about dating, my father’s alcoholism, being Indian and learning. Those things are still important, but they are not everything.
By no means do I think or believe the creator does not love me. Nor do I believe that there is an anvil waiting for me to pass under her slippery face.
I think a lot about what I want my son to know about me, to see, to believe. I want him to learn kindness, courage, when to be brave,patience, and ways to practice kindness. I feel like the world I live in has much kindness but could use more. I see reactionary behaviors everyday, people making excuses for shit behavior. I have to walk away sometimes, I’m not a fucking saint. But, the collective hurt, it hurts me. I don’t know understand it. I suppose now is not the time to ponder this, but I’m sharing as an observation.
Anyhow, I digress, I just thought I’d share & say I’m still here, growing, changing, laughing.