Category Archives: career

Paradise.

I have been working and (sometimes) running a lot recently.

I find myself working out common hormone, stress and life change ailments in the duration of a run.  Sport fascinates me. Elite athletes amaze me. I’m amazed and terribly humbled by many things daily.  I’m taking this as a suggestion that my spirit is growing and the universe sees fit to continue to drop me to my knees enough to pray and say thank you.

Some people take offense to my belief that the universe, or more specifically the creator, humbles us.  I am not bothered by that. I understand the conflict. I believe for me, as a human, it is my nature to suffer to some extent. Without this challenge I would struggle with my own sense of purpose. Believe me, I’d love it if there were not the case. But, I’m not a holy creature, God or a divine one.  I’m just an aging chick with some challenges. For now this works for me. Years ago I would have felt differently I’m sure.  Years ago I blogged about dating, my father’s alcoholism, being Indian and learning.  Those things are still important, but they are not everything.

By no means do I think or believe the creator does not love me. Nor do I believe that there is an anvil waiting for me to pass under her slippery face.

I think a lot about what I want my son to know about me, to see, to believe.  I want him to learn kindness, courage, when to be brave,patience, and ways to practice kindness.  I feel like the world I live in has much kindness but could use more.  I see reactionary behaviors everyday, people making excuses for shit behavior. I have to walk away sometimes, I’m not a fucking saint. But, the collective hurt, it hurts me. I don’t know understand it. I suppose now is not the time to ponder this, but I’m sharing as an observation.

Anyhow, I digress, I just thought I’d share & say I’m still here, growing, changing, laughing. 

Advertisements
Tagged ,

Balance

image

image

I love when I stumble upon a clean, honest & inspiring blog. The posts about balance are especially well explained.

Kale is 2 and a half, balancing my desires to be a good mother & have a career that is fulfilling & provides for our family isn’t easy.

There are days I envy stay at home mothers and romanticize all the things they get to do & see. Days I wish I had chosen a less demanding career & when frustrated second guessed my ability to do all things well. Some days I don’t feel that I’ve gotten everything I wanted accomplished. Some days I feel other people want too much & offer very little in return.

Fortunately, that’s not the case most days. I’m blessed with quality time with my son & rejoice in his laughter & cherish the chalk drawing, Iron-man-pretending moments that fade like water on a farm.

I won’t even go into balancing a marriage, my husband is often the last person in our family who gets what he wants. He’s the most patient & always the first to step up when the chips are down. Without him, none of it would work.

Insert awesome paragraph about how it takes a village to raise a child & in that village you will find our families & our friends.

Tagged , ,

Energy

Feeling run down, went to doctor yesterday & she said I’m fighting some viral thing. I can’t say I’m surprised with all the driving, work & travel recently. So I took a couple of days off & am zoning out with bad tv, naps & playing pocket legends.

Kale has been super cute & his vocabulary is exploding. What an awesome little blessing he is in my life. Now if I could get some buy in from him about potty training we’d be golden.

Tagged , ,

Thinking about home.

Fun fact:  Indian tribes control 3 percent of the total national oil and gas reserves and 7 to 13 percent of the US coal deposits. We also control extensive amounts of the uranium deposits and fishing rights in Washington and Oregon.

I’m reviewing Silko’s Yellow Woman and a Beauty of the Spirit.  It’s harder to read about injustice as a young adult.  When I was in college I had so much teen angst and personal confusion about that world that learning about it didn’t inspire much more than simple  furious contempt.  These days with a young son and a family I worry about Indians.  I worry about our “rights” and how long we’ll have them.  I worry about social issues.  I worry about our high rates of suicide, alcoholism and diabetes.

I’ve begun to appreciate the small and powerful group of Natives who actively protest injustices; I sing silence praises for their ability to speak up and put themselves out there to make our causes known.  I say our because I believe we are all connected.  My tribal rights are connected to the rights of other tribes.  There’s a nasty domino effect that could happen if congress is feeling especially testy or greedy.

As a child I was outspoken and curious.  My parents teased that I’d be an “AIM Indian.”  I didn’t know what that meant but their tone insinuated it was something terrible, it was akin to marrying outside the tribe or being thrown in the drunk tank.  I’ve never been thrown in the drunk tank, or any tank for that matter.  And I’m not an AIM Indian, I may never be one.  But there are days I seriously consider taking up a cause.  After all, if I don’t speak up-who will?  Who’s going to make things better for Kale? Who’s going to advocate for better (and local) mental health services for Indian nations?

April winds.

Iron Man in his Bleeding Edge armor. Cover art...

Image via Wikipedia

It’s been windy the last few days.  So windy that I’ve thought a few times that I would just blow away.  (I haven’t.)

We’ve been getting along well.  I’ve been sick this week and am thankful that today is my last day of a z-pack. Work is going well, the drive is tiresome but I’m hoping it gets easier as times goes along.  I still don’t know if I’ll get to do some work locally.  I try not to think about it and just takes things day by day.  Kale is growing so much. He’s such a big boy most days.  He runs around, tells me silly stories about Iron Man and Wolverine and jumps. He’s so vibrant, charming and funny-he amazes me.

Of course as soon as I opened up this post, he woke up from a nap.  🙂 Sometimes we’re lucky and the days of full of great things.

On growing.

It’s been a while since I’ve posted and I’m a bit sorry about that.  Despite my wish to post on a more regular basis, it hasn’t happened.  What has happened is a lot of other good things: work, driving, more work, time with Kale, time with the BC‘s and just general exploration of this beautiful Kansas landscape. 

Driving to work (ok, it’s the getting up part) has been both a blessing and a challenge for me.  I drive 82.2 miles one-way to work.  Mind you in Phoenix I drove about .5 miles (including a Starbucks stop in the opposite direction) to get to work.  It’s taken some pep talks to get up and get into the car.  Once I’m in the car I’m fine. 

Don’t get me wrong, I really love the place I work and the people I work with are kind, caring and inspirational.  I think my boss is one of- if not (so far) the best boss I’ve ever had.  That alone speaks volumes because I’ve had some pretty amazing bosses and supervisors. There are some wonderful opportunities in the works that would both increase my skills as a therapist but also as a human being.

Despite the wonderfulness, it hasn’t been an easy transition.  I miss my old team.  I miss the Arizona sun.  I miss hiking, walking, running and all things outside.  I miss our big old house.  I miss the smell of concrete (that surprises me).  I miss the different types of food.  I miss availability: I could think of or learn about something and go get it.

However, there’s so much to love here.  The beef is amazing.  You might think I’m crazy but Kansas has produce and meat that  would make your organic grocer wet his pants.  The people are kind.  Some of them are odd, but for the most part they really seem to care about things.  My employer and peers are family oriented, so is this area.  The sunrise and sunsets are marvelous.  Most importantly, the BC’s are here.  They melt my heart.  Kale has grown so much.  He’s so joyful when it comes to his aunt, uncles, cousins and his grandmother.  Every according to him-everyone personally belongs to him.

I found this quote the other day and it resonated with me: There are moments in our lives when we summon the courage to make choices that go against reason, against common sense and the wise counsel of people we trust. But we lean forward nonetheless because, despite all risks and rational argument, we believe that the path we are choosing is the right and best thing to do. We refuse to be bystanders, even if we do not know exactly where our actions will lead.
Howard Schultz-Starbucks CE

I’m not exactly where all these little (and big) actions will lead, but I’m hopeful that something amazing will come of it. Some things already have. 🙂

Updates for the month of March

I’ve been busily learning more about and working on creating connections on etsy and joined the Kansas etsy team. In the process I also decided to create my own team. I’m not sure how it’ll pan out, but I’m hopeful I can get some folks to join and we can explore the challenges and joys of crafting and maybe learn to make our crafting pay for itself. 😀

Madala video: http://vimeo.com/8903678

Tagged , , ,

Bullets.

Flag of the Navajo Nation

Image via Wikipedia

*After watching a few episodes of Ice Trucker, I’m thinking I need to add visit desolate Inuit areas of Alaska to my life goal list.
*Speaking of my life goal list, I think it would help for me to actually write that down.
Some of that list (some short-term and some long-term goals) include:

-Read every issue of National Geographic I can get my hands on. Extra points for contributing something in some way at some point.
-Pay off the MINI.
-Pay off credit cards.
-Add money to savings and LEAVE it there.
-Use at least 50% of my jewelry stash or find someone who will use it, teach them how to use the tools I have and pass the stash along. I don’t believe one can have too many hobbies, but I do believe you shouldn’t keep what you don’t use because if you’re not using it, you probably don’t need it.
-Take some textile classes.
-Success in career. Some solid indicators-increase salary, training and other opportunities. I’m starting to wonder if I’ve been selling myself short in the past and giving too much to my employer.  I’ve classically felt that I’ve walked away with less than I given and felt cheated and sad. Experience is amazing, but if I died tomorrow I wouldn’t have much security to leave my son, that’s not ok.
-Take more time for myself: exercise, make better lunches, go for walks alone, meditate, find like-minded folks to have tea/coffee with once in a while.
-Write more and submit something to a journal or write an article about something I’m passionate about.
-Learn to create embroidery designs in a pdf so that I can archive and share some of my ideas/creations.
-Make one new recipe a week.
-Learn and fluently speak Spanish. Bonus points for good reading/writing skills.
-Plant veggie and flower garden this spring.
-Teach Kale to speak, read and write Navajo.
-Teach Kale how to save money and make good decisions about money. I’ve read the Simple Dollar and have learned many useful tips that I want to test and pass along.
-Cultivate regular expressions of celebration with my niece and nephews. I’ve been irregular in sharing with them and as they’re getting bigger I want to be a more present part of their lives.
-Go on more dates with my husband. He’s one of the funniest people I know. I love it when we can drive/eat and chat. I always walk away feeling good and happy that I decided to procreate with him.
-Continue to read a few books a month, there’s something amazing about alternative prospectives.
-Continue to support other crafters/writers by purchasing craft books.

What are your goals?  Is there something you’ve started recently that you’re happy you did?

Tagged , ,

“I want some more…”

Things are changing rapidly in my  life these days, sometimes I feel like I’m in that one scene in Labyrinth when she’s running and suddenly the floor is on the ceiling and she’s upside down but right side up.  My office is moving (tomorrow) which is both awesome and time-consuming.  I’m a pack rat.  I hate packing, but it’s been good to purge old documents, handouts and clean up my office.  I’m excited about the new place and it’ll be bittersweet being  there a quick month before we move our household to a brand.new.state.

Yipee! (And yes I’m still dreading packing.)

I’ve slowly reduced non-essential items through out the house. I think the bathroom is 40% ready.  The rest of the place, well, there’s more work that needs to be done.

But, my office is almost packed, see I’m productive. 😉

In other news:

  • I had the mass in my face removed.  Turns out it was a rogue saliva ball of cells, thankfully it was benign.
  • I got the flu shot last week and managed to get super-duper sick.  Thankfully, I peeled myself off the couch and came to work yesterday.
  • I’ve organized my crafts (my husband will say I haven’t but I have!) and feel less crazed about moving them.
  • I submitted my professional licensing to the right agency in KS.  I have one last thing to send them-it came in the mail a week after I sent everything else in.  Once that’s done I just need clearance to take another test.
  • I’ve crafted and read a bit lately.  Books: The Scarpetta Factor, The Weissmans of Westport, Amy Butler’s In Stitches, Aimee Ray’s Doodle Stitching.
  • Other things I’m (still) loving: yarn. I found Knit Happens in Scottsdale and surrended half my spending money for the month on some beautiful mult-colored yarn. I just need some size 10 round needles to work on that cowl I’ve dreamed of.  Also: earl grey tea lattees from Starbucks, Angry Birds (when I get a hold of Michael’s fancy phone), The New Yorker on my Nook.

Links:

Book review by A Little Hut.

Adventures in Dressmaking-I love the style inspiration.

Fail safe for creative insight: Ready Made.

Happy Fall all.

An exercise in the ‘tude.

Borrowed from the ever fantastic E’s blog,

Take five minutes to write about how grateful you are for all of the wonderful things that you currently have in
your life. Don’t long for what you don’t possess—instead, take stock of all the blessings you already enjoy.

  • My son. Everyday with him holds a million different little blessings.  Tonight I marveled (again) at his feet in his footie pajamas and thanked the universe that I was able to hold that moment in my senses and store it in my heart.
  • Having had my grandmother for so long.  It’s been hard for me to do a lot of things that I love.  I haven’t ran, I eat too much, I don’t cry enough and I’m always trying to pretend that when I go home, she won’t be gone.  There’s a lot to be said about all of this, but really-I’m grateful.
  • Being able to keep one foot ahead of my finances.
  • Being healthy most days. Having had some scares last year, it’s good to be able to rest, eat and live.
  • Having a cozy home where after a long day at work I can shed my work life and be with my husband and son.
  • The car club.  Who knew I’d like it? 
  • Having enough common sense to let some people go. (Now if I could stop wondering and seeing them roundabout online..) I’m not a big fan of RevRun, but someone on twitter that I follow retweeted this line: “saying good-bye isn’t saying I hate you, it’s saying, I love me.”  I get that.  I feel that inside, it resonates with me.
  • Having a solid job/career.  I talk to so many everyday who have lost or want jobs and are struggling.  I’m blessed to be where I am.
  • Hobbies.  I love me some embroidery these days.  And sewing, I feel successful after my diaper holder project a few weeks ago.  Next up, a skirt.  I can’t wait.
  • Education.  I was fortunate enough to have the determination and supports to make it.  I see now how rare it is for many people to finish. Life is hard.
  • Motivation.  I still have a bit more to learn & explore.
  • My family, my culture.
  • Wisdom from the success (and failures) of myself, those I love, those I don’t understand and those I treat.
  • My clients for reminding every day is a miracle and to embrace it.  That doesn’t mean every day is a peach, but it means that there’s always time to it’simportant reflect and to strive for kindness.  Many people have been kind to me & I’m grateful for the compassion.
  • My elders and their patience with my questioning, irrationality, anger, impulsiveness and my sarcasm. I have had many teachers and I am hopeful that continues for a long time.
  • The sound of my son’s voice and his laughter.
  • My husband’s stories, jokes and consistency.
  • The core of friends that really listen and celebrate all joys with me.  Thank you.
  • Ink pens.
  • Tea.
  • Girl scout cookies.
  • Email that’s personal.
  • Mail.
  • Being able to play Aion when the babe is asleep.
  • Bad television shows.
  • The sound and smell of rain.
  • Pork burritos, they sound dirty and taste good.
  • Experience.
  • New music.
  • Spring.

 

Tagged , ,