maybe deep beneath.

Is a desire to get better, to grow.

Some days I felt ultra introspective. A new co-worker that I’ve come to see as friend will some days stick a post-it with a heart on her shoulder. On a particularly tough day she offered it to me. I didn’t know it would be a rough day when I woke up. That’s the beauty of it. Life, it doesn’t alert us to those rough days. Sometimes there are successions of them, periods where days blur into weeks, months and then suddenly, a wave shoves forth and like that–we are free.

There have been a lot of changes lately. I’ve been running a lot. Working. Trying to be more patient with things but finding my usually batty rapid thinking that gets me from a to z 68 times before I’ve stopped to consider b.

Recently there have been family issues. Worries that have brought to the surface my childhood. The dark spots, the waiting and sleeping in cars whilst my mother drove bar to bar looking for my father saying aloud prayer that he wouldn’t have spent his whole paycheck or have been rolled by some Godless heathen. Prayers that the car wouldn’t break down or that she’d find $20 more dollars for a couple gallons of gas to get home and get a piece of meat to stretch through the week. Yelling, blood.

I’m thankful for a great many things in this life, one is that childhood is not forever.
I pray and deliberate each day and am thankful that Kale does not have my childhood. I am also sad that he will never get to see the beauty of life on a reservation.

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