4 months, 3 colds.

The baby is sick, again.  And all evening I’ve felt like I should have done something more to prevent it.  I think of scenarios-I should have kept him in more, stayed home this weekend, hounded the daycare women to wash their hands more, maybe.. well, anything really to keep him from catching colds and being miserable.  

He’s such a good happy calm fellow and when he gets sick, it’s hard to watch.  It’s sad to see him cry and know there’s nothing you can do-it has to run it’s course and his body will do what it needs to do.  I suppose it fits with the irony of life and motherhood, sometimes all you can do is be there-it’s more than nothing, but you spend the time pacing and watching his father carry him and comfort him wondering if there’s anything you can do to make it less painful.  After we went to urgent care, I sat with him and fed him in his carrier.  I held his hand and he held mine back.  And, I wanted to cry.  I wanted to cry because I didn’t want him sick.  HIs hand is still very small.  He’s very small.

Every day I’m amazed at all he can do and how beautiful and wonderful he is.  There aren’t words to describe how my heart feels when I’m holding him, listening to him, talking to him or even thinking about him. I want the best for him.  I’m sure healthy parents feel this way & I’m not the only one, which is good, because kids are super awesome-they need to be appreciated.

I’ve talked with other women about this, about this feeling of-“I’d throw myself in front of the train, if it meant my child would never feel pain..but we can’t, they have to go through it all, like we did.”  And, when he’s sick and I’m arguing with Michael about things, I wonder if I’m being too paranoid.  If I’m too worried, and I wish I had more guidance. I’m an infomation junkie.  I start googling, I start sending text messages and reading books I have.  And the more I know, the less helpless I feel.  But, I’ve also realized something has changed because recently, I’ve started to feel more comfortable with my observations about Kale.  Today when we got home and he was fussy, I knew he was sick.  And despite my desire for him not to be, he is.  

I hope he’s feeling better soon.  Tomorrow his aunt is flying in to watch him for the summer.  😀

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