keeping the faith..or something.

A friend sent me an email with these quotes-I thought they were worth sharing:

We must trust that what we’re doing has a purpose. We must realize that we’re not here to make kids conform or perform, but that we’re here to help them develop their own unique skills and talents, not the ones we want them to have or the ones we think they should have. -Tom Walsh

It’s easier to build strong children than it is to repair broken adults. -Frederick Douglass

It’s Friday, and boy it’s been a tough day.  There was a mishap with my paycheck that several people are working on fixing.  

This morning I  was very excited to check my bank account because it was supposed to include my first full check (with some help from pto donations made by my co-workers). However, there was only half a paycheck.  I got to work and pulled up my paystub to verify the missed funds.  I immediately became upset and despite trying to talk myself down and remind myself that things were going to be ok, I started to feel frantic.

I had budgeted things for the full check.  My mind started racing: I started to second guess everything we’ve/I’ve done in the last 3 weeks (since that’s how long I’ve been waiting for the check) and began to get upset even more because I kept thinking if I hadn’t gotten sick, etc, etc things would be better, easier.  However, it’s very silly to think that way-there’s nothing that can be undone and I planned the best I could. 

I think I still have overly heightened emotions.  When I get upset, despite my ability to cognitively make sense of what’s happening-I have trouble shaking myself free.  I should note that as an adult I tend not to be an overly emotional person.  It’s not that I don’t get emotional, but I can usually gauge if what I’m feeling is within a normal range of expression or if I’m being theatrical (often hormone induced) and usually the recognition of theatre level is enough for me to reign myself in.  (Or find a hot bath, some exercise and a good meal or night’s rest to mellow me out.) But this morning, man, I was struggling.  I was sobbing and couldn’t get myself to calm down.  I told Michael it was like someone killed my dog and was replaying the video of it-it felt like it kept happening over and over.

Of course, the irony is that all my clients were showing up and there I was trying not to cry and trying to focus on their needs instead of my own self of sadness and upheavel.

That kind of crying tends to wipe me out.  I’m exhausted right now.  I feel like I’ve run a marathon.  I’m hoping this isn’t par for the course and that my hormones eventually even back out-especially since my hair is still falling out in waves and I have hot and cold flashes.

The good news is that I should (finger/paws crosses) have the rest of the check by early next week.  I am especially thankful for Michael who cheered me up with a cheeseburger/visit from baby Kale and my friend Lisa who fielded my frantic emails/text messages.  Oh, and my boss and co-workers for being supportive. 


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