Today Michael went back to work. Kale had gas. The 9 plus hours felt like 72.
I’m not sure really what to write. This morning I woke up feeling inspired by the kid and thought, “we should totally have more, or adopt, adoption is cool..” By 3pm I was thinking, “dear lord, this is the only one..no more..” I also realized I totally had this whole nurturing/care taking thing all wrong. I mistakenly believed it would be easier than working.
It’s hard damn work raising a human being. A newborn is totally dependent, I knew this going in, but I didn’t realize how much energy it would take. I didn’t realize how much things would change so quickly. Nor did I imagine I’d have to dash into the shower and pray my kid didn’t start crying and sit in his swing in the doorway of the bathroom while I frantically try to soap down. I didn’t even wash my hair. I figured-who is going to notice? Hell, I don’t care at this point. It’s been weeks since I’ve regularly put on make-up and even more weeks since I was able to exercise, or eat solids, so yeah-what’s another thing?
However, there’s this strange thing that happens-the kid can cry, fuss, be suffering from gas and I can be sleep deprived and feeling overwhelmed and the tyke reaches down, grabs my finger and flashes me a smile and I think-totally worth it. (He probably isn’t even aware that he’s smiling at me.) I’ll take suffering deprivation any day for my kid.
Fortunately for me, daddy came home and took over so I could reclaim some sanity and eat my mashed potatoes.
On another note, surgery is scheduled for 2 weeks.