The human body is amazing. The fact that I can sustain this pregnancy while barely managing to keep anything down astounds me. I had some lunch, a small bit of some pasta and well, that made it’s way back up in a violent way. Oddly, it didn’t bother me to clean it up. I’ve become pretty unabashed about things like this lately. Heck, I crapped my pants standing in line at the pharmacy the other day-that was after being pumped full of antinausea meds. And, I’ve caught myself drinking water from the shower head like a puppy after having spent most of my adult life with the idea that tap water was dangerous and lethal. Oddly, now I prefer the tap and it seems to stay down v. bottled which rapidly revisits me.
This hasn’t been a very calm or kind routine for me. I’ve come up with bizarre and simple theories as to what could be happening and why I’m at this point. Theorizing hasn’t helped. Just time and rest.
Today, I feel pretty good. I feel happy.
Maybe it’s just that I’m worn down and I don’t have the energy for anxiety, fear or resentment of the situation. It is what it is. I can’t eat normally. I teeter on dehydration every day. The longer I stay pregnant, the better off it is for the kid, so I’m doing the best that I can and hope that my water breaks or I go into labor. Until then, there’s nothing I can do.
I’ve been reading some Maya Angelou and some yogiac thoughts on contentment and happiness. Reading and thinking about things 2 feet from myself have always been helpful. One of my favorite authors, Sherman Alexie in interviews has always said, “books saved me.” I’ve always been able to relate to that. Good words have always been a saving grace.
It is impartive that a woman keep her sense of humor intact and at the ready. She must see, even if only in secret, that she is the funniest, looniest woman in her world, which she should also see as being the most absurd world of all times.. -In all ways a woman, Maya Angelou.
It’s a crazy world indeed.