random list.

I just realized I’ve had this blog for a few months now and (gasp!) there isn’t a list! 

  • I don’t seem to have any nice pregnant photos of me.  I tend to look like I’ve had my ass handed to me so I’m not exactly rushing towards cameras. Not to mention the prego acne had me feeling less than cute. 
  • I’m feeling better than I have in months.  I even got up early this morning and deliberately walked on the treadmill.
  • I still think: being pregnant is strange but exciting.
  • We have our first ultrasound in 2 days.  I’m both ecstatic and nervous.  I’ve started to want a girl more than I want a boy, but I think Michael will be more disappointed than I will if we have a little boy growing inside of me.
  • I can feel what I assume is the baby moving around.  The last doc I saw told me what to feel for and indicated I should be able to feel something.  The baby moves around when I lie down or switch positions.  Other than that, I don’t see a correlation between the kid moving and what I’m doing.
  • I’m almost 18 weeks now, nearly 5 months.  It seems strange that I should be so pregnant and sometimes forget that I’m pregnant. 
  • The fetus has really grown on me, I can’t imagine how someone would carry a baby for 9 months to abuse it, abandon it or harm it. 
  • Today while waiting at the one stoplight between my home and work this girl hopped off the bus.  She looked like she wanted attention.  She was wearing tight jean capris, high heels and extra large sunglasses.  She also had a green/blue circle tattooed in the dead center of her neck.  I couldn’t imagine what it symbolized and how long she sat there with her head back while someone pushed ink between the layers of her alabaster skin.  I wondered who her mom was and where she was when her kid was doing that.  My next thought was, “holy shit, that’s the kind of thing my mom says!  ahh!!”  Then the left turn light came on and I moved on my merry way.
  • I’m thinking about more kids.
  • Women tell me they forget the pain involved in childbirth.  They all seem to speak of pregnancy with a nastalgia that I don’t understand.  Maybe it’s the most connected we can be to another human being and it isn’t until we aren’t that we completely understand.  Or maybe it’s the attention.  Or maybe it’s that all the food tastes so good once the placenta takes over and you lose the morning sickness. (Or in my case, evening sickness.)
  • I’m still chasing hot dogs every so often.  I’ve been trying to curb the cravings, but I find my self annoyed as a I try to eat other “meat.” 
  • This morning I wanted a chocolate shake for breakfast.  I also ignored that craving, I couldn’t justify the sugar crash that would have overcome me an hour later as I sat there trying to figure out what the best clinical interventions for someone would be.
  • One of my co-workers introduced me to the MSCO website with the listing of offenders for the last three days.  He goes there to see if any of his clients got picked up.  I laughed and scanned the various sections and was grateful we hadn’t picked any of the names I saw for the baby. Then I silently hoped that I’d never find my kid on such a website.  The worry begins.

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